Sleepless
Its been about a month now that I have not been able to sleep longer than 2 to 3 hours at a time. It's starting to take a toll on everything from my appearance to my ability to focus on regular daily tasks. My senses demolish the still of night with the sound of my heart beat and the ticking wall clock clear on the other side of the house, i can feel my pulse slightly shifting my body with each burst of energy from my heart. I find mundane thinks to tackle on the internet or around the house in an attempt to accomplish a few things and kill time only to realize that time is killing me. I replay the various actions and decisions I made hours prior to my attempt at slumber, over analyzing each thought and conclusion wishing I could change things I said or text messages i sent assuming all of my second guessing would lead to better outcomes.
i feel like i'm losing control of the only thing i've ever had slight control of, me. My personal life is pretty much in shambles, in all aspects. I try not to complain or think about it because i know too many who are worse off, but still, its a tough pill to swallow when everything you worked hard for is slowly crumbling away, i guess that's better than suddenly losing everything without warning.