death is apart of life. over the years this is something i have come to understand especially after losing a loved one. its the one thing i know for sure that everyone has in common, no matter how rich, poor, pretty, ugly, weak, strong, young or old. im not one of those people who allows thoughts of my own death to consume my mind but ive been trying to find ways to cope with a problem that seems to be getting worse.

for some reason i have what i would describe as sort of a panic attack, about the end of my life but this only happens during the in-between state of sleep and consciousness. by the morning when i wake up, i remember everything about my episode but i am able to calmly and rationally think about it and move forward with my day.

more puzzling is the fact that i seem to have a really high level of anxiety about what happens to cognition more so than what happens to me physically. depression, anxiety, doubt and confusion are just a few words i can use to describe the multitude of emotions that travel through me at the speed of light as i fight to catch my breath, and go back to a state of calm. these use to be quick whispers of the night, and now i fear loss of sleep is an inevitability as it takes longer and longer to shake my jolt and normalize my senses so that i can resume resting.