Kids are ugly people too
i love kids, so long as they meet two requirements, they have to be well behaved and cute. there are ugly babies, and there are bad babies, and there are assholes like me who would rather clean dog poo than hold a baby that looks like...shit. when my daughter was born i was a disappointed dad and very vocal about my thoughts on her weak face and deep voice. i remember thinking the most selfish thoughts such as...
God why me, why did i have to have the ugly baby?
and
well...maybe i should just leave and try again with another woman because clearly this is not my fault.
i didn't want anything to do with her for the first few weeks she came home, in hindsight i was obviously suffering from postpartum depression. eventually i started to interact with her, she was easier to deal with after a while but i wasn't sure if she was turning into a cute baby or if my eyes just got use to looking at her.
one day i reluctantly took her with me to the grocery store and as she was sitting in the shopping cart a man and his wife passed by stopped and said,
wow that is one handsome fella you got there.
with the worlds largest smile i graciously thanked him and thought to myself
wow, i have a handsome daughter. this is the greatest thing ever!
i left my shopping cart right there in the store and rushed home to let my wife (at the time) know the good news. she never shared my views and always insisted that our daughter was the most beautiful child in the world...we are divorced now...she lied about a lot of things...but i digress. I was elated, she was embarrassed, so she took our daughter to get her ears pierced.
great. now people are going to think we are french or baby gender benders...sad face.
whats the most depressing sight in the world? a sad baby...correction, a cute sad baby. i feel nothing for ugly sad babies because well, welcome to the real world. we ugly people have it 10 times harder than those with symmetric faces and good skin. its been proven time and time again. its better to break it to them now as to avoid shock and potential depression. the bright side? most pretty people are idiots. though if you are two for two ugly and dumb, just grab a greyhound ticket and head to Alabama.
Did you say that you had an ugly baby?
I've seen some ugly babies but most people just lie to themselves and say that their kid is cute.
But a chimp can be cute, a puppy can be cute...
Did you really say that you had an ugly baby?