there are things about me that unfortunately to some are seen as flaws and weaknesses. my family is dynamically diverse and because of this my views and experiences have been unique. so when a family member tells me

im blacker than you because you not hood like me (this is coming from a white guy by the way)

it makes me wonder...

and then to have his buddies (also white) who don't really know me chime in and agree it puzzled me. so i asked

what does hood mean to you?

if i have a problem, i handle it myself but you are the type to call the cops. you don't smoke weed, drink, party or club...hell you don't even listen to rap. i'm not afraid to get dirty you hire people to do things for you, you just don't act like any black person i know.

saddened by his remarks, not for myself but for how the world must be in his mind i decided not to respond to him because he quite obviously believes that ignorance equates to black, and his buddies who were in agreement help to feed the belief in those sort of social constructs.

he has a bit of a drinking problem which he randomly admits to, he believes his day is more stressful than the average person so that is his ticket to justify his daily grab a gas station malt liquor habit. he doesn't realize how similar our upbringing was but the part he completely misses is, i got out.

we were both raised on the same side of town, i'm sure in some cases he had things a little harder than me because he was white and living in the poor black side of town but he doesn't see the parallel and equally hard time i had when i finally left the hood and was exposed to a better way of life and how i was treated by the students in an all white school.

fortunately for me, my mother made sure to do whatever she had to in order to get us out of that situation, i had an abusive father, he did not. my father wasn't in my life, his was. at one point it was all out war between us, the rats and roaches over our food. our home was always a target for break-ins because crack heads would watch the house and knew it was only a woman and three kids living there.

during the winter the house had to be warmed with a single kerosene space heater which she would carry from room to room. i remember she would take the heater from whatever room we were in, and put it in the bathroom for 5 to 10 minutes to warm it up in order to prevent us from getting sick. just before we were done taking a bath, she would once again take the heater to our bed rooms to warm it up so that we could sleep comfortably, while she slept in her cold freezing room. during the summer after our window units were stolen, it would get so hot in the house that she would take us to the mall or a friends house just so that we could get some a/c. she washed our clothes in the bathtub, kept us fed, and made us happy during Christmas, all without child support or welfare (which still to this very day she has no answer for why she didn't apply)

my mother set out to do better and prove to us that there is more to life and an entire world beyond the ghetto that we can reach with a mixture of hard work and smart decisions. im not sure what his mother taught him but i do know that shes addicted to pills and is high out of her mind 97% of the time and still lives in the same house in the same hood and his father has had so many DUI's that his license is permanently revoked he still drinks daily and still drives...daily.

i was taught to only fight for a cause, he is more on the side of simply causing a fight. he lives in a 3 bedroom home with 5 adults and his 3 kids. i live in a 4 bedroom house occupied by myself and my daughter. he wants things, i already have them. he chases a life that i currently run. this is not at all a post intended to level the claim "i'm better than he is haha" i have my demons and struggles like everyone else, but the point is different decisions often yield different outcomes.

nothing i could say would prove my point to him that he is wrong about being blacker than me, he will never have to have the conversations with his daughter that i've had with mine at the age of 6 about her "black" skin, her curly hair, and how the girls in class picked on her because her eyes aren't blue or green. he will never have to deal with how much harder i have had to work to prove to investors that just because i'm black doesn't mean that i'm fiscally irresponsible. on the flip side i have to deal with blacks who feel like i'm some sort of sell out because i don't allow my daughter to listen to much radio or watch BET. Jordan's and air forces don't consume my budget and i limit my soul food intake. i dont listen to rap like i use to because im no longer an angry person, i have a new outlook on life and a different set of goals now. listening to a guy talk about fuckin bitches and how he can whoop someones ass or kill them just isn't something i have time for or care to listen to.

yes, i speak proper english, read books, eat healthy and exercise. i am financially responsible (80% of the time), i have owned a successful business, pay taxes, i believe in monogamy (when i'm in a meaningful relationship), i take responsibility for all of my actions, i take care of my home, inside and out. i am not a myth. it is possible to have all of these attributes and be black. i do these things because i choose to be this way, i'm not seeking anyone's approval. i am a person, not just a color.