Light House
i'ts not fair to love you in chains.Man o man am i sick of feeling these pesky emotions after all, man-law dictates that emotions are for losers, women and women losers. As of late I have been going on this trip of ups and mostly downs at the speed of light, and i'm sick of me. I feel like a whiny ass...whiny ass. smh.
In a recent series of complicated decisions I have once again decided to march forward with a decision that was made with 0 logic and 100% emotion... toast to the emo kid.
i haven't said a word to anyone about any of this, i can already hear the judgment and verbal fall outs because a girl i was crazy about got pregnant with a child belonging to someone else and i'm going to be there for her during the birth of this child. from the outside looking in i guess i can see why they would come to that conclusion but, i don't care what they think because what they think and what they know are miles apart from each other.
This choice was made without the normal guidelines of right or wrong because i don't think either decision i made would have been wrong. i have a very close friend who is approaching the due date for the birth of her child and is facing the possibility of no one being there with/for her. she sort of put it out there and I wasn't quite sure how to respond because I wasn't quite sure if she was asking me what i thought she may have been asking. Long story short, I have set up plans to be able to be there for her and i'm strangely excited about it. This is where i am pissing me off.
i have a problem with turning shit into sugar, i specialize in punking myself into situations that just are not and never are, in reality, what i set them up to be in my mind. i'm not doing this looking for anything in return other than to let her know that no matter what happens between us i'm going to try my best to always be here...or there for her.
but, i don't want my offer to = her obligation in the event that she changes her mind, for whatever reason. i realize that this thing is complicated, that child has a father, i'm at the bottom of the list for any sort of privileges and i don't feel any sense of entitlement in regard to this situation. Quiet corners are my typical habitat and watching from afar has been my fate.
In a recent series of complicated decisions I have once again decided to march forward with a decision that was made with 0 logic and 100% emotion... toast to the emo kid.
i haven't said a word to anyone about any of this, i can already hear the judgment and verbal fall outs because a girl i was crazy about got pregnant with a child belonging to someone else and i'm going to be there for her during the birth of this child. from the outside looking in i guess i can see why they would come to that conclusion but, i don't care what they think because what they think and what they know are miles apart from each other.
This choice was made without the normal guidelines of right or wrong because i don't think either decision i made would have been wrong. i have a very close friend who is approaching the due date for the birth of her child and is facing the possibility of no one being there with/for her. she sort of put it out there and I wasn't quite sure how to respond because I wasn't quite sure if she was asking me what i thought she may have been asking. Long story short, I have set up plans to be able to be there for her and i'm strangely excited about it. This is where i am pissing me off.
i have a problem with turning shit into sugar, i specialize in punking myself into situations that just are not and never are, in reality, what i set them up to be in my mind. i'm not doing this looking for anything in return other than to let her know that no matter what happens between us i'm going to try my best to always be here...or there for her.
but, i don't want my offer to = her obligation in the event that she changes her mind, for whatever reason. i realize that this thing is complicated, that child has a father, i'm at the bottom of the list for any sort of privileges and i don't feel any sense of entitlement in regard to this situation. Quiet corners are my typical habitat and watching from afar has been my fate.
all is fair in love and war.