Ugly Betty Part Duex
Credits: Sibling/Liam
I'm not here to tell you what you should do, I know you well enough to know that when your mind is made its made until you decide to change it. I know you care about her deeply, and that lets me know that she cares for you in a similar capacity. You are a lot of things big brother but an idiot is not one of them. I think its amazing that I have a brother that is brave enough to want to step into another woman's life and try to help shape a future she set, to take on her goals and accept her children as his own. Its a task many flee from but you are willing to fight for a chance to be a part of her life. For all that you have tried to do to win her over, and for as long as you have passively and aggressively pursued her, it clearly shows you aren't afraid of tough times, or commitment.
If you take a bit of time to think about what you have done, i think it will give you the courage to travel down either path as your next step. I think you have done a great job at proving what you are capable of with her and I'm sure she knows this, which would most likely explain why the two of you stay tangled in each others web even after long bouts of silence. You are prepared to do both, step closer or step away, there is no right or wrong here, especially since you have already established the fact that you are willing to continue to travel towards her even if the relationship is a failure.
From my perspective as a woman first and sister second, I think that you have done all that you can possibly do, if she is still trying to find her self or sort some things out then maybe you need to just let it be. There are women out there with situations similar to hers who would try just as hard as you to find a way to make the relationship work. They would be fighting tooth and nail to keep you. All women are different, and handle things in a multitude of ways so by no means take what I'm saying as concrete, I haven't spoken a single word to this woman so I don't know whats going through her mind or what the hold up is, but she has to know you are a good man and if she is as smart as you say, and if she really wants you, you two will be.
If what you have to offer isn't good enough for her, then there isn't anything you can do about that, but do your self a favor and realize the long line of ladies you have been shaking off to keep her as your target, there is no telling what you are missing out on for someone who has been in an awkward corner of your life for some time now. It shouldn't be this complicated, the guess work should be over by now with the amount of time you two have been going back and forth I don't know what is left to consider. You know more about whats going on with you two than anyone else, so don't worry about people talking, that is what people do. Most of the opinions come from good intentions so don't take them too personally, you have done a good job thus far of keeping your private life private, you taught me its best to keep things that way, so my advice to you is to zip it. This much I promise you, if you two go your separate ways she is the one that will have to deal with the regret of the one that got away.
she makes a lot of valid points and in order to keep from upsetting me she stayed as neutral as possible, nice. I love her.
at this point I'm feeling a bit numb about the situation, this seems to be a cycle i go through with her every year...lol here i am for the 3rd time. i sent her an email last night nothing too heavy, just letting her know where i stand. I've had a few urges to call her, but i keep in mind that lately if i don't call or text, we probably wont talk and since shes hasn't been very communicative lately its been a little easier to reciprocate. should things continue to spiral out of control, operation detox will be under way but for now, i'm just going to lay low and continue to deal with the other shenanigans going on in my life.
The reason you date BEFORE marriage is so that you have the freedom to walk away if the relationship is not wonderful.
Walk away.
It may be hard, but I'm telling you, healthy relationships arent a huge mess like the one you describe. Don't settle for drama and pain. Go be happy.
Numb is not what love feels like.
i guess i have self destructive tendencies in the form of relationships instead of alcohol. i do in a way feel like im running down the same path i did before.
i know what i want with my future, and i know what i have to offer, i do care deeply about her, but i cant wait for a future she doesn't want.
thank you so much for the advice. it means a lot.